“You and me
We used to be together
Everyday together always
I really feel
That I’m losing my best friend
I can’t believe
This could be the end…”
The song, Don’t Speak by No Doubt, is about the breakup of a relationship. It’s about the end of love. When we think of love, we always think of sex, romantic love, or possibly family love. But the loss of friendship hurts too.
Do you have a BFF? Most people do, if you believe what you see in TV and read about in magazines.
I love my friends. I don’t see enough of my friends. Distance, and time due to childcare are mainly to blame. But I realised that, with the exception of my husband, no one would – if asked – name me as their best friend.
Those competitions? Win one for you and one for your best friend? Most of my friends would be surprised if I won the second one for them. They’d be touched but also embarrassed.
Do I have that role in her life? She doesn’t in mine.
I have a good friend I see every day. She’s probably the best friend I have at the moment, although I know that the BFF spot is already taken in her life. We have much in common but enough difference to be interesting. She’s fun to talk with, hugely intelligent, entertaining, caring, endlessly kind. Now her job has moved and within three months, they will have moved across the country.
I feel like I’m in mourning.
Oh, we’ll stay in touch, I have no doubt about that.
But it won’t be the same as the immediacy, the interweaving in each other’s lives that we have right now. I’ll help and support my friend through everything she needs over the next few months and beyond as best I can, just as we have done for each other over the last months and years.
But I think everyone needs friends close to them.
The internet is amazing, it keeps friendships alive, but you also need people close by that love you and care for you. You need to be able to help each other out in practical and not just emotional ways.
Part of me just wants to curl into a ball and cry. I need to shake myself out of it, go out and be me just as well as I can and hope that I’m lucky enough to find another friendship that feels as happy and easy as this one.
Part of the trouble is that by your 30s, finding friends is so often about breaking into long established friendship circles. NCT and school gates can help, but you have to want to do it and for others to be responsive to your overtures.
So, good friend wanted.
I can promise laughs, support, intellectual conversation and a fascination with the world. And cakes. And wine. And a need to exercise.